So I started off with Oceanography, which wasn't so bad. I'm making a B for a class that I put absolutely no effort in. Of course, this is all thanks to my chemistry and biology knowledge. Normally I head down to Central Campus and hang out until Biochemistry. I went to the mall instead and bought a new pair of jeans.
There is a point to all if this. Don't worry.
I headed to Central, entered the library, fired up my computer, and realized I was an hour late for an appointment with one of my Professors. I dashed off to the meeting place and was told I missed her by ten minutes. This was the second time I stood her up.
Now, I didn't know about the appointment because I hadn't checked my e-mail the day before. Which was yesterday. Not much of an excuse, I know. But hey, hey what can I do?
This is a small part of what has been going on this past semester. Not the entire semester, just the end of it.
Hold on, let me take off my watch.
Better. I'm not an irresponsible person. If I have an appointment I usually try to make it. If I have an assignment due, I complete it. But this first semester in my school's Teacher Education Program has been an eye opener for many things. It's left me un-inspired.
I still want to teach, mind you, but my professors have been somewhat disappointing. I have one who wants to push us to be the best. This is fine, but when you miss the mark and look for guidance she has none to give you. And she does this by choice. She has literally told us that she will not, "Give us the answer." These aren't math or science classes in which there are problems to solve that require a certain knowledge of the content. This is a teaching theory class. It's an ESOL (English for Speakers of Other Languages) class. None of the individual entering that class have much of an inkling as to what it is to teach a student that does not speak English. So, we're going to need some help from time to time. And if you aren't going to offer us any help, then you shouldn't be so judgmental about our work when we get it completely wrong. What's more, she asks for contradictory things. For example: my lesson plan didn't have enough accommodations in it. Another student was told not to add too many. And that's the end of the conversation. You have too many or too little. No one knows how many you should have so it's a shot in the dark either way. I, personally, thought I chose enough accommodations necessary for the situation I was given. I had to conduct a dissection of a cow's eye with a group of students, some of whom spoke Spanish. I decided that the accommodations I'd use would be for the students that spoke the least English. I figured that the accommodations would help the lower level English speakers and the higher level English speakers. And if the higher level English speakers didn't need the accommodations, then... that's a win! It's fantastic. They were able to get through the lesson and understand enough of it to pass. I even wrote all of that in the lesson plan. The feedback I received was that I completely ignored the higher level English speakers. Now I'm not inspired enough to give a shit what that teacher says. She obviously doesn't give a shit about what I say or turn in.
The next teacher (the one I stood up) tells me that I'm not using the correct language in my lesson plans. My objectives aren't clearly stated. I don't know what to say about that except that I am doing the objectives with the same format in two of my classes. In one class I get A's and in this class my professor has given me straight C's. Also, let me add that I'm scoring 80-95 points on the grading rubrics for those assignments. And it is 80-95 out of 100. Those numbers are somehow translating into C's. Whatever.
And if these teachers are pushing me because they feel I can do more then they should FUCKING SAY SO! It's not difficult.
I can't believe the things I am witnessing in this situation because I'm ion a program where the teachers are supposed to teaching me how to teach and they are dropping the ball on some things. As I type this sentence my objective self is screaming that not everyone is perfect and I understand that, but come on!
And then the textbooks. I read them and after 10 minutes put them down because all I'm reading are things that I either know or would have thought of myself, but didn't because it's just not that big of a deal.
"Reading and writing assignments should be paired together."
-No fucking shit. Should I try to play guitar as I'm learning guitar and music theory as well?!
"The point of teaching is not the subject matter so much as it's about teaching students how to learn."
-I was pondering this shit on my own one year before I got into the program.
I know that I'm bitching about a lot and it is just my first term, but what if this is how it's going to be for the next 2.5 years? I don't fell like I should be in this program counting down the days to when I get out of here so I can be what this program is not. I don't think that makes sense.
I'm just frustrated. I'm still frustrated with the world which is what drove me toward teaching, and now, I'm frustrated with my program.
I just want to teach. I don't want to save the world, I don't want to be President, I just want to teach. Education is the process by which our students learn how to deal with themselves, each other, and the world we live on. We have dropped the ball on some of those aspects, but we as a society have also stopped giving education the attention and resources it needs to be successful.
I'll stop here. Good luck.
Mark
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